Things I found along the way

Things I Found Along The Way

Ango -Fall 2018

 

A dream

Olympic Peninsula

in a dream…

wandering an empty beach

searching for open windows and

unlocked doors

longing to come inside.

 

She

Fear and doubt waxed,

right up to last night’s full moon

then she waned gibbous, letting me go.

At four this morning, I dreamed

of a sweet, plump little pig.

I carried him to the barn and

scrubbed him down with

bleach and a brush, then

rinsed him well.

We know what this means,

the pig and me.

It’s going to be alright after all.

 

Ezra Pound: The pattern is not far off

Samu work period

weekend sesshin.

Searching for bean seeds among

the dried up vines and

crusty brown pods

that hide behind dead leaves and

yellow October sun.

Recalling Snyder, who recalled Pound, I see that

when refining a human being,

“the model is indeed near at hand”

Search for every seed.

Open each pod.

I’m in there somewhere.

 

Bernie and Chip

Wise Uncle Tetsugen said

to witness the horror and

not look away.

He showed us ghosts, we smelled death and heard the echoing screams.

Bernie the clown disrobed

trusting us to understand, or not,

and taught us to laugh

in our one body.

Then he died today.

I have a bowl of clown noses

In my office

and an authentic life

because of Bernie.

 

Soten was climbing

a few months ago.

He laughed when he told me how he

pinched his nuts in his harness and his

car got fucked up.

He said it, just like that.

Just deal with it, take care

of what needs it

his smile said.

Everything needs it.

Chip’s pancreas came for him

as serious as death.

Soten said there was no place he would rather be.

“I welcome you, I embrace you, I love you.”

“Thank you for this pain.”

 

Two lost in twenty-four hours

Yet we’re all still here in

this one body.

None lost.

Allan reminded us to

Die when you die

Die when you die

Lie down you lie down

Die when you die.

I am living, for now.

I put on one clown nose tonight and shouted “Thank you!”

 

She, again

A month later

at the peak of her brightness

she let me sleep this time.

I dreamed my keys wallet and phone

were locked in a car

inside a locked shed

inside a locked fence.

I had a new job

my desk was in an attic

the roof so low I could

not sit upright.

No one told me what I was to do

so I tried again and again,

told “not that!” and “wrong ”.

We visited a magical place where

young people laughed and danced and

sold things they had made.

I was frail and could not keep up, nor climb the trees

with the beautiful dancers.

Before dawn she waned west

in the frozen black sky.

She’ll be back.  

 

No sound

My hand

At rest

Makes no sound.

Hakuin said,

“Listen anyway.

trust me.”

Still.

Be still now.

Hear.

 

Rohatsu

I.

Twenty-five dark figures

arranged in shadow,

still and quiet.

Roshi’s instructions for the week

are familiar:

silence

septic

schedule

here we are, together

do your best

ending with a thunderous

sesSHIN!!

and we sit the week.

 

II.

When you encounter these

wise, utterly ordinary ones,

your fortune is

unfathomable.

Kent asked, “What are the odds?”

Let’s not waste any time.

Let’s tend to our good fortune.

 

III.

Hakuin Ekaku dropped

a man-shaped twig into a

bubbling stream.

300 years later

strolling the woods I

plucked it from our creek and

wondered, “What IS it?”, (with a nod to Sean.)

Asking precludes knowing

Headwaters Daiosho.

 

IV.

And then, we were finished.

Or perhaps not.

What continues?