Happy Opening Day! Ahh, baseball. Maddening to the uninitiated, like watching Bergman’s Seventh Seal.
To the cognoscenti, a beautifully out-of-square cipher, as Carlin told us, with an arrhythmic cadence, arcane rules, ancient grudges and secret histories.
I don’t care what a linebacker’s glove smells like, but a catcher’s mitt? Yes.
Which toxic tube snack is favored at a basketball game? Who knows.
Is it even remotely possible that other pro sports players’ balls itch as much as the nine guys standing around on the grass on a hot day?
A game uniquely American in that a great player can be slightly doughy around the belt–and not that the extra weight is intended to be used bashing into other guys like in football–but rather baseball is only occasionally aerobically challenging, in brief spurts of energy. Deep fielders could almost enjoy a toxic tube snack waiting for action.
And here comes the action, all 2,430 mind-numbing regular games over six months. Play ball!